Our Story

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve desperately wanted to have a baby and be a mother.

February 2014 we decided to start our journey towards parenthood, and it was neither quick nor easy. This is our story. It’s not a short story, and it’s not the happiest story either – but it ends well.

June 25, 2011 I married the love of my life. It was a beautiful summer day in Indiana complete with all our dearest family and friends celebrating with us as we made a commitment before the Lord to love each other more than we love ourselves. Since that day we always knew in our minds that we would one day become parents, and we lived like it. We planned what we would name our kids when they arrived, we dreamed about whose eyes our children would have, we made plans for the future of our children and we laughed at each other when we pulled our trademark moves saying our kids would act just like us.

Almost three years later we decided it was time for us to pursue our dream. We went off birth control and decided to see when God would decide to answer our hearts desire and give us a baby. We knew it wouldn’t be immediate, but we anticipated it would be quick and we could begin our parenting journey.

To say we were excited is an understatement. Most of you reading this know the feeling. It is your first time trying to have a kid, every night is special. Every night you wonder if God has given you a child to care for. We eagerly anticipated the end of each month to see when God was going to give us our own child to care for.

Our first three months quickly passed, with 3 quick no’s. This was to be expected, and our spirits weren’t dampened.

Three months quickly turned into six.

Six turned to nine.

Nine no’s.  This wasn’t something we expected, but it wasn’t unusual either. We decided it was time to be a bit more structured and proactive about it. Vanessa started keeping track of her temperature and counting days of the month. After several months of this we still came back with “no”.

After a year of no’s we came to our tipping point and went to see a doctor. We contacted a recommended doctor because I (Vanessa) experienced unexplained pain for several years. We were fearful she might have endometriosis. The doctor confirmed this suspicion and we scheduled surgery.

In March of 2015 I went in for surgery. After a successful procedure, I woke up to the news that I had stage 4 endometriosis (the most severe stage) but the doctor was able to remove the majority of it and he was hopeful that with a few hormone shots, which would pause our attempts for over six months, we would still be able to conceive. It seemed no matter how hard we tried to schedule my shot, something kept delaying it.  We prayed fervently and felt God was leading us not to pursue the shot. At this point we were still hopeful but it became a guarded hope.

Soon after Vanessa’s surgery we found out that I (Tim), would need a surgery of my own. That April, I went in for my own procedure that wasn’t as successful as we anticipated.

The summer dragged on with each month that passed by leaving us broken hearted and confused. We saw our friends around us get pregnant. We saw people we barely knew get pregnant. For a while, it felt like everyone but us was getting pregnant. Facebook was so full of new mommy pictures Vanessa had to log on only sporadically to prevent herself from feeling the pain.

We did what we could to cope. We tried to push the pain out of our minds and hearts by distracting ourselves with anything we could. I (Tim) became absorbed with my job and trying to provide for our family. I (Vanessa) threw myself into my job and did my best to turn off or ignore my emotions all together. We would play video games and turn on the television just so we wouldn’t have to feel or think.

Our infertility became the elephant in the room neither of us really wanted to talk about. As one year started to roll into two we pursued a fertility specialist. He told us with our history and numbers we had very few options. We decided to try several IUI treatments (much better on the pocket book especially because we’ve been through a lot of job upheaval in the last few years). The doctor told us we had a very small chance of success but we had complete faith that God can work in the low percentages and bring us our long awaited baby.

After several treatments we didn’t get a positive result and we couldn’t afford anymore at the time. It was devastating. Where was God in all of this? 

We had faith, complete faith…why wasn’t it working?

We felt like He abandoned us. How could He not give us a baby? This is something good. We want to raise a child in Him. Why wasn’t He letting us have this? We were told that our next and really only option was IVF. After a few more months of trying naturally with no positive results I (Vanessa) remember calling the doctor to ask if we had any other options outside of IVF. It was in this call that I was told that we had about a 2% chance of conceiving naturally. I was heartbroken. Everything I had feared sat right there in front of me. I broke down and wept. Praise God for amazing friends who caught me in that moment and comforted me in a way I am forever grateful for.

For me (Tim), the hardest day of the week was Sunday. Each week we would show up to church and see many families around us who were able to live out our dream while we had to sit in our sorrow. It became difficult to pray and sing praises to the Lord. Communion became a chore rather than a sacred celebration. We had repeated the same prayer for two and a half years; I couldn’t see how one more prayer was going to be any different. But we continued to go to church, continued to sing, continued to pray and take communion together. It was painful, but in spite of our pain we knew God was there with us.

Over summer break God woke me (Vanessa) out of sleep and told me I needed to go pray in the room we had picked out as our nursery. I sat and prayed over different items in the room and listened to what God wanted to say. I clearly heard Him say that He was going to give us a child naturally and this child would tell His story. I was so hopeful. I remember coming back to bed and waking Tim up to tell him about it. I expected amazing news over the summer. The summer months came and went and still no baby. God was again teaching us to trust in Him and His timing.

We had saved up money for close to a year in anticipation of pursuing IVF this winter. After meeting with the doctor we discovered we had only saved half of what we would need to cover our expenses. An amazing couple decided to come alongside of us and create a way for us to raise funds. We were hesitant in this decision and put it off for a few months to prayerfully consider this route.

Then God moved.

After all the prayers and tears, after all the pain and sorrow God flexed his muscles and did what the doctors didn’t think could be done – HE gave us a baby! I remember coming out of school in early September and clearly hearing from God, “you need to try”. I heard Him several times. On October 4^th of this year we found out that God had given us His tiny miracle! We are over the moon excited at this news! He worked in the 2% and blessed us beyond belief with a child.

We tell this story for two reasons; we want to celebrate God’s great and mighty deeds in our lives and to let others know they aren’t alone in their struggle with infertility. God has grown and stretched our faith in ways we couldn’t even imagine but as we sit writing this story we can look back and see His hand moving through every part of this long and painful journey. If it wasn’t for our friends and family who would sit with us, cry with us, pray with us, and encourage us we don’t know how we could have pushed through the past three years.

If your story is similar to ours please reach out to those around you for support and encouragement. Reach out to us and others who have a story similar to us for help. We know your pain better than most and can come alongside you to walk this journey together. God always has a plan, even if it’s hard for us to see. His love is greater than we can imagine and He is walking this journey with us every step of the way.

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.
 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19